William H. Taft Was A Husky Man.

There seems to be too much focus on the military records of our current presidential candidates. Bush and his seemingly nepotistic acceptance into the National Guard, and John Kerry's self-enlistment into the Navy in 1966. This focus seems misplaced since many of our Presidents, even during wartime, were never in the military.

Let's face it, Taft wasn't commando crawling himself under barbed wire, and Reagan worked his way up the ranks to military actor. Granted, they weren't wartime presidents, but how about FDR? or Wilson? or Harding(?)? All told, 17 presidents have no, or undocumented, military service, most of which made decisions during a period of unrest. Having military service certainly allows a President to make "informed" decisions when going to war, and furthermore allows him to sympathize with a soldiers situation, but is it a necessity? I'm not sure.

As we look forward to the future and my 2012 candidacy (Rock the vote), you'll probably scrutinize my military record. Therefore, I figured I'd come clean now. In 1983 I received my first set of G.I. JOE action figures. Having melted most of them in August of 85's Battle of the Magnifying Glass, I was no longer allowed to have nice things. During 1986-7, After a brief stint pretending to be Murdock on the playground, I was honorably discharged due to a cootie infection given to me by a girl on the swings.

In 1997 I signed up for Selective Service at my local post office. At 25 I was deemed free from Selective Service, and I was allowed to rent cars at regular rates. Finally at 26, I dug my Star Wars figures out of the attic to defend against the evil Empire.

I think my record stands for itself.

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