Blackballed at the DMV

It has become abundantly clear to me that the State of New York does not want me to have valid NYS drivers license. Furthermore it's clear that the State of New York will hire just about anyone to work at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Largely your big credential would be skin, though the hygiene of said skin can certainly be suspect. Additionally, raiding Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable's supply of sweater and sweater related clothing almost ensures you a lock in management.

The blackballin began nearly 5 months ago when I, in my infinite wisdom thought I could zip in and out of the DMV in Hudson, NY. Scenic Hudson is an antiquer's paradise, nestled in this hills of the Hudson Valley. Besides being known for their antiques and healthy eateries, they are also know for having the only governmental offices for miles.

I descended on the DMV with all my paperwork prefilled out. I had my old MI license, my passport, and enough cash for a license, registration, title and those lovely vintage coffee tables being sold down the block. After waiting on the Info line for about 10 minutes, I was informed that New York State no longer allows you to get a drivers license without a social security card.

But what ho? what's that you say? Hudson also has a social security office? And it's across the street?

I cross the street, and enter what can only be described as the most sterile office you will ever seen, like when Neo is being interrogated by Mr. Smith in The Matrix. The line of 3 people takes nearly half an hour. When I get to the front, I fill out the proper paper work and the clerk gives me a letter, on SSO stationary which states that I, have infact ordered a new Social Security card and it will arrive within the next 10 days. This letter is proof of the transaction and it is signed by the gov't rep. She tells me that it may work at the DMV to get my license. So back we go.

At the DMV, the info line, now down to 2 people moves quickly. I produce the aforementioned SSO letter. The DMV clerk tells me that no letters, facsimiles, photocopies or emails will be accepted so I would need to wait for the actual card to arrive.

Fast forward 5 months.

With a light week at work, I decide to take the day off and head down to the DMV in Herald Square. The commute went without event.

When I arrived, the 3 person deep info line was moving reasonably. When I got to the front, the clerk who was there was seriously the most bizarre person I have ever laid eyes on. He looked like he had horns that had been removed. His horn head aside, the roll in his eyes told me I was screwed, but I pressed on. I mentioned that I needed a license and I have moved from Michigan, I had my MI license, my passport etc. and my Social Security card. It's important to note that I told him I had a MI license. He sent me to line 1 posthaste.

Line 1 took about 1 hour. But all the while I was clearly in bizarro world. The people in front of me were talking about how one of their mothers was so ripped she could kick anyone's ass. The DMV was certainly filled with entertainment that day as I was fortunate to witness two seperate altercations. Both between clerks and clients. Simply perfect.

I get to the front, produce all my paperwork, produce my ID and get ready to pay.

"Whaddya got here? A Michigan license? There's no issue date on this."

"So?"

"Well New York State will not accept out of state licenses without issue dates"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nah, that's the law since Sept, 11th., I don't know why Michigan doesn't have issue dates on their old licenses"

"Old? I just got this last year"

"Well you either need to ask Michigan to give you a new license, or request and abstract of your driving record. When you get that, we can issue you a license"

"Seriously? I took the day off for this"

"You need a abstract....." - I just walked away.

How come the guy at the front desk, or fuckit, the person in Hudson tell me about the Michigan license problem. The clerk picked it up right away, I can't imagine that they didn't know. He can't be the last line of defense on this.

The post script: I called the SOS of Michigan and asked them about the abstract. They informed me that they get this problem all the time from NY residents. My $8 check should ensure fast delivery of my driving record.

Next time I go, I'm bringing witnesses.

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