Four Frappuccinos and Sterilize Those Nipples Dammit!

It seems inconceivable to me, but Starbucks is a family hotspot. I walked by the Starbucks on, I'm gonna say 78th and Lex, where, in the window, I saw a family of four kids, including a baby. The three kids were each sucking down, what appeared to be a Mocha or Caramel Frappuccino® Blended Crème.

As refreshing as their frosty 16oz drink was, I couldn't help but think that a 13 year old and his younger siblings might have been better off with - I don't know - maybe some fruit, or even the italian ices one door over.

At 430 calories and 140 fat calories, not to mention the überlight 51 grams of sugar, I think, if this is a regular ritual, that this is some form of child abuse. Top off the mix with a (un)healthy dose of caffeine, and I guess the mother/father is getting what they deserve.

Coffee is an acquired taste to some degree, and when I see an adolescent throwing back a cup of coffee, or coffee flavored sugar, it irks me. Seems like the parents should be hooking those kids on the high of life, no?

Caffine Content Informtion - Check me out!

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The Six Hour Tower.

There is a temporal phenomenon that I can now confirm only happens when one lives in a metropolis. It's time travel. Not the conventional time travel that we are used to, that with which we travel around the sun in a starship, or having an individual spin the sun backwards. No, I'm talking about the speeding up of time where we don't know where the time went.

A wise man I used to work with at The Knot, John Lloyd, once claimed that there was a tower in the center of New York that actually sucked six hours of your daily life away. I used to think that these were the ravings of a birkenstock clad madman, but now....he's prolly still nuts.

After spending the last 4 years in a mid-west midwest college town, I never missed a tick. Each second that went by accounted for. The days seemed long, my time infinite. Dinner at 7:00, in bed by midnight.

Six years ago, in New York, I was eating dinner at 9:00, in bed by 1:00 AM. I'm not sure what the difference is. One month after the big move, we're back to those same habits.

Could it be that a tower actually exists? Is there some supernatural force at work? Or is there just more to do? I have no idea. But it kills me that when I want to get something done, I should be getting into my jammies.

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Week Roundup! - Hudson & The Valley.

Planning our inevitable invasion of Massachusetts, we happened upon a crossing point deep in the Hudson Valley wilderness. Our trackers had left us at the snack bar some 20 miles away. We could go no further via Passat, so we continued on foot. The hike was long and arduous, up and down a neatly cleared path. With only families with kids, and grandmothers in sight, we press on to our crossing point, Bash Bish Falls. Casualties were high as the chocolate bars, recently purchased from the country store, were quickly melting. We had no choice, we needed to go back.

Earlier in the day, we traveled to a delightful little town on the upswing called Hudson. Hudson's main streets are lined with antique stores, crunchy eateries, and saucy lingerie shops. We ended up picking up this 1960 Knoll Tulip Table, designed by Eero Saarinen. To go with that, we picked up some Eames Eiffel Tower Chairs c.1970. The table is pretty sweet, and pretty rare (because of it's mechanism), so we are psyched.

Now if we only had a place to put all this stuff. Heh.

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Rock The Drink.

As one of the greatest political drinkers of our time, George Hotelling has introduced ElectionNightDrinkSpecials.com: A proactive attempt to get voters drinking, or drinkers voting, I forget which.

So get your local barkeep involved, because it's up to us to make sure that America is blithering drunk come results-announcement time.

Cheers!

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Quote: Re: New Nav

: "i'll bet i could use it to pick up chicks"

: "chicks f***ing love a nav like that."

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DIY - Generating Steam Heat: Venting The loo.

My bathroom has a window, and while typically a luxury and a means to expel steam from the shower, this window is actually in the shower, making it more of a voyeur vantage point rather than something utilitarian. So in order the shield the outside world from myself, protect the virtue of my wife and vent what is otherwise a shvitz, I bring you the bathroom vent DIY.

To install a bathroom fan in an apartment that you don't own, you need the following tools:
1. Pliers - for mashing the sheet metal.
2. Sheet Metal Shears - for cutting said sheet metal.
3. Screwdriver - for screwing to the sheet metal.
4. Wire Cutter/Stripper - for stripping/cutting wires.
5. F'n S'tload of duct tape.
6. Infinite F'n patience.
7. Hammer.

Once you have all that crap, you will need the following materials:
1. Bathroom Venting Fan - $20-$50
2. Sheet metal with a hole cut in it.
3. Vent with attached duct.
4. Vinyl Duct - Preferably in a color that matches your decor, cause you ain't gonna spend the time or money painting it.

So, take a measurement of the window you want to put the vent in. Then measure out that same dimension on the sheet metal, using the hole as your guide for where you want this thing to eventually end up. Next fold the metal to double it's thickness in areas where the hole isn't.

Pro Tips: You measurements are worthless unless you have professional gear to fold this metal. I used the edge of my dinning room table and a plastic ruler. The product of my effort was 2 inches too long and 1.5 inches too wide.

After slicing your hand on the sheet metal. Put the vent with duct through the hole and secure it by putting some bolts through the plastic of the vent and the sheet metal. It should look something like this.

Next step is finding out that the duct on the vent and the vinyl duct are different sizes. So you cut the vent duct lengthwise so you can create a cone to slide the vinyl duct down the pipe. Secure the vinyl duct with zip ties.

Pro Tips: It is incredibly important that you slice your finger with the sheet metal and scream bloody murder.

Once the duct is in place, proceed to the bathroom and apply hydrogen peroxide to your finger, bandage, and repeat for any additional fingers.

To hookup the fan, follow the directions in the box. Seriously. Follow them, cause electricity and water...not so good.

Attach the other end of the vinyl duct to the fan and enter the bathroom. As you can see, I have jammed the sheet metal with vent into the window, and stretched the vinyl duct over the shower head and placed the vent over the medicine cabinet. Fortunately for me, this fits well. If it doesn't, you could enclose the vent in a box and hang the box on the wall.

Begin to apply duct tape to the space around the vent duct and the sheet metal. Start by cutting neat, even strips to maintain a good look for the interior of the bathroom. No sense in making it sloppy. Once the first piece of duct tape is down, place each piece over the previous to prevent pest penetration points (PPP's).

Pro Tips: After the second time you've caused the duct tape to stick to itself and create a nasty wrinkle on the sheet metal, begin adding copious amounts of duct tape ad nauseam only stopping once you feel that the sheet metal has been covered to a degree of bullet proofing.

You're basically done. Place an inline switch somewhere on the power cord, nail the duct to the wall using string or an excessive amount of zip ties and you're there.

Pro Tips: Be sure to hammer some holes into the wall for later filling in. I think that this adds the perfect DIY accent to an already pathetic job.

In conclusion: it works great. The bathroom vents well. The towels dry much faster, and pests have less incentive to stick around. I would recommend taking your time, paying your health insurance, and checking when your last tetanus shot was.

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Let's Go To Italy, Principesa

When "Come To Jamaica", the holy grail of travel slogans, came out, I'm sure ad executives everywhere were thinking "How come I didn't think of that?" Come to Jamaica was pithy, pleasing, direct ,and coupled with the James Earl Jonesian voice and Bob Marley, forever ingrained in my head.

The folks over at Alitalia were probably looking for a similar short solution. It seems to me that they could have done a little better than reusing a Holocaust film title. When I happened upon this ad at a bus stop, it immediately invoked images of the movie, from the ad's clothing styles to the font design used. On closer inspection, the tag line "Let's go where LIFE is BEAUTIFUL" seems like an odd choice if anyone has the same guttural reaction I did. Don't get me wrong, I want to visit Italy. My wife really wants to visit Italy. But this ad ain't getting me there.

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Customer Service, Nina Speaking, Just a Moment.

Customer service is back in a big way. After being in the midwest for 4 years, I had been spoiled by the warmth and compassion of clerks and customer service reps. Much to my surprise, there has been a local renaissance in the overall attitudes of the retail working force, and the policies of their companies.

I remember a time when I would be apprehensive about calling for a repair to an immovable object like my couch or entertainment system. But as today will attest to, I have placed the call, and within 5 minutes I had a work order in place at no cost to me. Now that's service.

The only place I would avoid would be your typical electronics store. If you walk into Best Buy/Circuit City etc. and ask the clerk if s/he can tell you more about a product, they will invariably read the same display card that you just read back to you. If you need more information, they will read off the outside of the box for you, or go ask Tony.

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They Went Thataway.

Besides George, I don't know many 20-30 somethings who have any plans for their own funeral. While I like George's romantic vision of his send off into the great beyond, I think I would go a more terrestrial route.

On thing is for sure, we gotta keep it short and lively. I'm a fan of those New Orleans funerals with the whole band thing and the taking-the-corpse-for-a-stroll. I think I'd like something similar. Maybe a ska band, or roller disco. Either way I'd like my monument to be a working Wurlitzer. And don't forget to RSVP.

Any plans for yourselves?

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DVD Review - Babí léto (aka: Autumn Spring)

The box reads: "A wry, bittersweet comedy in the great Czech tradition..." And it is just that, a bittersweet comedy, but I don't remember the last time I saw a Czech film so I can't comment on it's tradition.

In sum, this 80 year old dude (Fanda) is hiding from death by living an eccentric life. His problem is his wife and son who dwell on Fanda's and her imminent death.(That's a pretty loose summary...sorry about that.)

If you've ever been afraid of dying, this movie helps bolster that fear. The constant discussions about funeral funds, and the pre-death maintenance of their upcoming grave site thoroughly reminded me of my own mortality. Something I'm reminded of enough when I get into a cab.

It's sprinkled with the appropriate amount of comedy to make the film cute and quirky, though, in general, its pace is a slow and it's a pretty didactic.

Autumn Spring is worth watching if you don't mind the fine line between aged comedy and depression life lession. ()

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What do I do? Oh, I do computers too.

Working in design, with web pages, or in programming usually falls under the penumbra of "working in the internet" or "on the web." Any one of those specific jobs has it's own standard title, but not all three together. Some say Web Producer, others say Web Developer...I'm fine with all these descriptions, and I use them when I describe what I do, based on who's my audience.

When you meet new people often the conversation steers to vocations when I will have to pull one of those titles out of my ass and hand it over. Inevitably there is someone who says, "Oh, I do computers too!"

I currently have a neighbor who does computers. The job "doing computers" is a specialized position with some clear cut responsibilities and duties that largely get carried out when the employee is in the presence of "web guy" or another "computer doer."

Duties include:

• Describing what type of computer you have including the hard drive size.
• Emphasizing that you own more than one computer. Doing computers is a complicated business.
• Discussing the hardware you just installed and any problems that you had installing it.
• Not actually using the computer for producing anything computer related.

Must have 20 years experience cornering people and discussing technology.

Please include salary requirements with resume.

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iFright.

I'm simply going to spare you the pick-friendly images, but I have gotten some requests to reinstate the webcam. Hmmmm....yeah. I'm gonna have to decline.

Currently, my iSight camera lay idle on top of my monitor due to the underwhelming results of my attempt to inculcate other people about the beauty of teleconferencing via AIM/iChat. I know from past experience that the photos put forth from my previous webcam have resulted in other people's enjoyment while simultaneously jackassifying myself. So I'm sorry...no nose picking, bed heads, stonedesque looks or blurred masses for you.

If you're out there, and you're using the iChat get the iSight. If your on the AIM, buy a cheapo webcam. Fun could be had by all.

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Review - The Face Race.

With the past release of the Schick Quattro, Gillette has come out with their long awaited response.

Creating the natural mix of vibrating sex toy and a razor that you drag across your face (often in a rush), Gillette introduced the M3Power. Touted as the "World's Best Shave", the M3Power (M3P) is certainly stylish, and does indeed vibrate.

After having my maiden "World's Best Shave" this morning, I will comment on a couple of things. While the idea of a vibrating blade at one's neck seems like a great idea, it was the strange feel of this blade that made my usually longer razor strokes much, much shorter. The vibration creates a slight drag that wasn't there before. It took me about 10 strokes to get used to the device. But should a simple lever really have a learning curve?

After about 1 minute, the battery started to tax a bit, and the vibrations were a bit shorter, creating a new learning curve.

As far as comfort is considered, the blade's vibrations resulted in no nicks, cuts or scratches, and for the neck a very comfortable shave. For the finer details, like beneath the nose, the chin and around the lips...I would suggest shutting the blade off.

Bottom line: At $14.95 and $11.99 for a four pack of refills, I think I would probably recommend downgrading to the Mach3Turbo, which I think really is an improvement over the previous model. In the meantime I'm heading down to Chinatown to see if I can mod the razor with some neon and blinky lights.

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Is there a doctor in the house?

There is!

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Some People Call Me "The Space Cowboy."

I'm liking this extra drive towards customization. On both my investment account and phone company websites I have the choice of how I would like to be referred. I've chosen the humble "Captain Awesome."

While this level of customization, which is easy enough to do, should be universally used on the web, I also think it should bleed out into the real world. For instance, when I call Vanguard, they should address me by my preferred name. After all, they bothered to ask on the website, why should our phone conversations be any different?

At my bank, they asked me what title I'd like to give myself for my company. Owner. President. Founder....nah...I chose Emperor. So sure, I'm not really an Emperor, but I like the level of respect it gets when they refer to me that way. Plus, the CitiBank offerings of fruit and wine ain't bad either. It's the little things.

I see the future of customer service going like this:

"Hello, and thank you for calling Vanguard Captain Awesome, how can I help you today?"

"I'd like to invest in capes and masks please..."

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Crosseyed and Pane Mess.

As I've been organizing our stuff, hanging blinds, shades and pictures, it's starting to look like the previous tenant was crosseyed, had one leg longer than the other, or simply walked around with only one platform shoe.

You see, nearly every "right angle" in our apartment isn't even close to being square. The windows, the closets, the bathroom, the kitchen...everything is slightly off. So what do you do?

If you start to make everything square then the apartment looks more off than it really is. So I've gone with the old high school math test results rule:

If you start out with a incorrect given, but follow through your math with the right methodology, the result is kinda right. So minus 6 instead of 10 points.

Everything in the apartment will be a bit off, but if you take of one shoe, it looks totally awesome.

*Bonus points if you know the title reference without looking it up.

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