Holding A Project For Ransom?

There have been times when I haven't been paid for a flash project until well after it's been taken down from a website. And while being paid is good, being paid on time is much better. A List Apart's article on better invoices give some excellent suggestions -- kind, good-natured, strong business-minded suggestions -- for getting invoices paid in a reasonable time span.

Even though in my contract (and by extension that which I have plagiarized) it states that if payment isn't made, I can pull the project down, it is wicked hard for me to enforce such a clause when the hosting server isn't mine.

After commiserating with my friend Ami we came up with a solution that I feel okay about technically, but feel that it's my ethical responsibility to tell a client that it's in place. That solution? A time based key.

Simply put, these projects will work up to a predetermined date, after which they search for a text file with a password/key in it. If it finds the key, all is well. If not, the project craps out, crashes, or whatever.

I've tested it with some recent work and it works like a charm. But do I inform the client? I would think so. But then they could work to figure out the key, which would be counterproductive. Anything from parsing flash with those decompiler programs, to, if they are really ambitious, changing the server clock.

To key or not to key? That is the question.

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Beard Papa Has Come To Destroy You.

Being a person who enjoys the more quirky of the culinary treats in New York, I was told about a new phenomenon: Beard Papa.

Beard Papa, as the name implies, is a custard filled puff pastry which originated in Japan. They run about about $7.50 for a half dozen.

It's hard to describe the mind blowing deliciousness pouring from the puff in the form of cool creamy custard, but to say the least, it's prolly the best custard I have ever had this side of bruleé.

It is a mess....and a delight. While I should have only had one, I had four. The result, I'm sure, will be dangerous to my heart, body and wallet.

Think of a eclair without the chocolate, and you have it.

Beard Papa, I salute you! We all salute you! [Thanks Kathy]

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Strange Bedfellows At The County Fair.

While at the Columbia County Fair, a.k.a Dale Ernhardt Weekend I saw these two booths on display right next to each other. I just thought it interesting.

That being said, on the other side was a Turtle Jerky booth. [Thanks Jason]

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The Time Of Year When We Blow.

Most of the people I know who go to temple for the High Holy Days have no idea what they are saying or what anything means. The one nugget of information that they take with them, whether it be true or not, is that the sounding of the Shofar is to wake up the soul and bring in the New Year with a sound that can only be described as a elephant with some sort of GI disorder.

But for the past couple of decades I have heard that thing blown over and over, and each time I think to myself, "Heck, I can do that." Honestly, how hard could it be?

Apparently it's pretty f'n hard.

During an awesome digression of the kids service (which I was attending with my niece and nephew), the kids running it handed out some real Shofars for people to try. I won't bore you with the how-to portion of the event, but to say the least, it is something I will never forget. A half dozen Jews in a room with rams horns to their lips putting the world of the whoopie cushion to shame.

So if those are the noises I have to go by, this year should bring in some comedy and a wicked amount of gas. L'shanah Tovah.

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Shulless Joe Bernstein.

I'm not sure how it's possible for someone to lose one shoe and not notice. I've seen this phenomenon a lot. Highways, rest stops, streets, subway platforms, and now shul.

I've lost a glove, a scarf and other accessories in my life, but something as fundamental as my shoe, I think I would notice. If not because of the 5% tilt to my overall world perspective, the simple feel of rocks or wet grass might be a dead giveaway.

I have a theory, though not well formed, having something to do with the mysterious socks that go missing from one's laundry. Perhaps shoes and socks are linked on some cosmic level that mere mortals don't understand. But if that was true, there would be a lot more one shoed people hopping about, I'd imagine.

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Crouching Tiger, Hidden Subplot.

I'm a big fan of the Kung Fu flick. But after having seen Hero last night with the wife and a friend, I have concluded that I can't get behind the mini-movie sub-plots that completely disjoint you from what's going on. I prefer continuity-fu.

This is the third or fourth time I've come across this phenomenon, most noticeably in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon where there was a half an hour foray into the love lives of two of the characters. In 'Hero', it was in color, but it was the same damn thing. Last time it was Shaolin Soccer where the continuity was spliced so many times we were tempted to shut if off because we just didn't care enough.

I'm hard pressed to think of any other cinema where this style happens with semi-regularity.

Conclusion: Hero (). I would only give it one, but Susy thinks it deserves a little more, simply based on eye-candy. The sweet-tooth was satiated, but the plot-tooth was numb.

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When It All Comes Together.

Tonight, it all came together. My penchant for digital geekery has come to a climax with the arrival of teh sex Airport Express. Finally my ducks are in a row.

First we have Salling Clicker. Blogged about many times before, Salling allows me to control my music via bluetooth from my Series 60 Nokia. Salling Clicker talks to iTunes. The iTunes is connected to the Airport. The Airport's connected to the...stereo. The knee bone's connected to the shin bone. Dem bones, dem bones.

Capping off the audio synergy, is Synergy. The piece de resistance, allowing me to control iTunes without going into the app itself. This has saved me from the endless frustration of trying to find the iTunes window to switch up the songs. Frankly in the next version of iTunes, t'would be a shame if it was missing.

Rounding out the whole package is AgileMessenger. Agile allows me to connect to AIM by tunneling through T-Mobile's T-Zones which generally T-Suck. This, and the occasional Google, is all I get for $4.99 a month.

If you're not on a Mac, face it, getting all this stuff talking to each other is a pain, so instead of paying hundreds of dollars for software to synchronize your life just spend thousands on a new Mac. Then spend the hundreds on replacing all your software. You will be much happier.

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Dad: "Put A Towel On It."

I figured I would toss this out to the crowd.

Last night, I was ready to go out of my brain. The rain was so heavy that it was hitting our in-window air conditioner with the force of a thousand Neil Pearts. It went on for what seemed like an eternity. To say the least, I didn't get the sound sleep I was expecting.

Has anyone had this problem? Did you solve it when you had it? Is there some gadget, widget or whatsit that call solve this rainy-day nightmare?

Thanks.

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Guccione: Ya Down With O.P.C.*

Famed publisher of Omni Magazine, and the lesser well known Penthouse Magazine (NSFW), Bob Guccione has no other choice but to auction off his worldly possessions due to bankruptcy.

His loss is your gain!!1!

I had a chance to preview the items for sale, and let me tell you...the communal disappointment was palatable. I assumed the items for sale would go one of two ways: Exuberantly Gaudy, or Teh Hot Sex.

I was expecting cherubs with golden capped asses, or nakkidness abound. I found neither. Boring paintings, pub mirrors, Persian rugs and renaissance era furniture made up the majority of the lots. I did find this painting in which we felt the boob was a little gratuitous. But beyond that...meh.

On the auction block was Guccione's 1975 Lincoln Mark V with only 25k miles on it, and it's been garaged since it's purchase. The interior is a gorgeous burgundy stripe, with chrome accents. Straight Pimpin'.

The most offensive item was Dr. Dude and his Xcellent Ray: The lamest pinball game ever.

The best part of the auction? The crowd. Gold chains and toupees were the required dress of the evening.

*O.P.C = Other People's Crap.

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My Ass, The Barometer.

After a recent dinner with some friends, once the bill was paid, I insisted that we leave expeditiously. The reason wasn't gastrointestinal, it's wasn't atmospheric, and it certainly wasn't a dine and dash. No, my problem was that my ass was numb from sitting in that chair.

We were only at the restaurant for about an hour, but I was ready to go. My friends commented that they too were feeling it in their posterior. Since then, I have taken notice when I go to a restaurant whether the speed of food delivery to the table is proportional to the comfort of the chairs. And...it is.

I spend the greater part of the day in my Aeron Chair, which I love. At the end of 4 hours in the morning, my hour break, and 4-6 hours in the afternoon, I'm never sore or in need of a stretch.

If restaurants had Aeron Chairs as their dining room seating, I think that the table turnover would be much less. It would be bad for business. But if you make the chairs just comfortable enough at the beginning of the meal, but over time they seem hard, rigid or hit your back in the wrong way, turnover is inevitable...good for business.

This might be testable and quantifiable which means that all chairs, and by extension restaurants could be rated temporally in addition to the usual rating criteria.

Maybe that's a website idea? Maybe not.

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First, The Apology.

I haven't written in a while. Work has gotten the better of me, so sorry about that. I will try to sing and dance for you more often.

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